When my boyfriend and I got engaged, we immediately launched into the "business" of planning a wedding- venue selection, décor/catering choices, flower arranging, budget management, and all the other details that constitute the "production" of planning a wedding... It's easy to get lost in the details... all the little things that the two of us will likely not notice on that big day and probably never remember....

In the midst of the production, we decided our first dance needed to be profound (and a surprise to our families and friends), so we decided to take dance lessons for the 6 weeks leading up to wedding.  Ultimately, this became one of the most important things that we did together to truly prepare for our MARRIAGE- not, the 'event' of the wedding- but truly, our MARRIAGE.

Over those 6 weeks, we secretly met with a dance instructor who helped us choreograph our surprise first dance, the foxtrot.  Immediately, we realized that this was going to take more of ourselves than we realized.  Neither of us had inherent moves on the dance floor! We were certainly in over our heads.  However, through those intimate and sometimes frustrating dance lessons, we learned valuable lessons about the lifelong partnership of marriage.

There is a delineation of roles and responsibilities in dance.  My husband-to-be was supposed to be the lead and was charged with remembering the moves and carrying me through the steps.  I honestly had been 'in charge' of myself and my life until this point and I had to learn to let him lead.  I kept trying to take over!  However through dance, I learned to trust him- to allow him to take charge - and I let go.  As an independent 30-something woman, thiswas initially hard for me.  Once I did, however, the most beautiful thing happened...... we danced.  And we danced well.

Of course, he's human and oftentimes forgot the moves.  In those moments, he needed me to take over and get us back on track.  He learned to trust that I would help us through it and would not let us fall.  Sometimes we both forgot and simply had to wing it- amazingly; we overcame hurdles and kept dancing.  Yes, we stepped on each others toes a lot, got turned around, and had to get back on track.  We needed the guidance of our experienced instructor every now and then. We felt the music and let it happen naturally at times and learned a few go-to moves that would carry us over the moves we forgot and keep us going.  We learned that sometimes no one is right or wrong, they just understood the movement differently.  And we kept dancing.... Quite well, I must say!

It took a lot of practice, and we were on our own at those times.  Since it was a secret to our guests, we had to find intimate and private locations to practice.  We danced in parking lots, gymnasiums, cemeteries (yes, really!), and living rooms.  We disagreed, shed a few tears, briefly quit a time or two, but made it through it.  And ultimately loved each other more deeply and with more trust and compassion as the dance started taking shape.

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