Not many people talk about depression. They feel it's embarrassing to say "I'm depressed." We live in a world that tells us to be positive and upbeat. Pharmaceutical remedies, that's drugs, folks, offer a new religion to the masses. Religion is supposed to make you feel better and give you hope. Now there are drugs - lots of them - to give us hope and to make us feel better. What does antidepressant drug proliferation mean besides a higher profit margin for drug companies? Simply put, it means a whole lot of folks are miserable.

In my younger years, I was never depressed; I was anxious. People talked about depression and I just didn't get it. The word depression was somewhat new and making its way into mainstream conversation. It seemed a little trendy to be depressed. The hip people flocked to therapists, and many of us even became the therapists. I was an intermittent nervous wreck and could rarely find a compassionate ear for my heebie-jeebies.

Then, in my forties, I experienced depression first-hand. Finally I knew what all the fuss was about. I'll tell you one thing - it was such a relief from what I had been feeling before (like I was going to jump out of my skin) - that the depression was almost welcomed! Just to clarify, I wasn't always depressed and anxious. I seemed to have bouts. Some were hormone driven, some had to do with life situations, and some just showed up from that hole in my soul. And then there was that steak of insanity in my family that chased me for years.

Relief Without Drugs

Somehow, in all this mess, I learned that anxiety and depression could be relieved without designer drugs. I tried them once, but they only worked a few months and they sucked away my creativity. I couldn't write or draw. It's like something in me dried up. So I took an alternate route.

Getting out of the pits takes discipline, determination, and work. So how did I do it? And how do I still do it? I used Yoga, aerobics, walking, meditation, chi gong, doodling,  strength training, self-massage, doing inner work, and eating healthy. I also change my routine as I feel called, so it won't seem boring. I work at it. It is a lifestyle.

I often spend one to four hours a day with my disciplines. People say they don't have time to spend much time each day on staying mentally and physically fit. I arranged my life so I could have the time. My life was more important than being successful. I didn't care what the magicians had promised success would bring me; I was unwilling to pay the price. If you are on the success track and your goal is to make a lot of money, I suspect you won't be able to make the time. It's not wrong, but climbing the success ladder takes a toll on our bodies. The stress involved is all consuming.

Finding Relief

Ultimately anxiety and depression drove me to a better life. Menopause kicked me to the ground. I was fascinated at how terrible I could feel while still holding on to my sanity. Menopause gave me new depths of compassion. Through this maze of intense feelings there had to be a better way and I had to find it. And every day I would find the way.

I still have times of anxiety and depression, yet I choose to see them as old teaching friends rather than as debilitating character flaws.

I used to busy myself up. That would get rid of my depression, but busyness took a toll on my soul. So I learned to sit, to be quiet, and how to be with what was. I learned to imbue all feelings with the presence of now. I learned how to to bring consciousness to unconsciousness. And I'm still learning.

During one of my bouts of depression, I wrote the following piece. I think you can identify with it if you suffer from sustained or intermittent depression.

A Personal Experience of Depression

[Editor's Note: Notice how Anne states her feelings and then starts telling herself a new story - a story of what she wants.]

Again this oppressive blanket of hopelessness covers my heart. Sadness shields my vision. I view the world through the lens of desperation. I feel bound to the never-ending power of pain. I'm chained to endless depression. Armed with this all too familiar suffering, I come to Life. Lift me up into a new experience. Replace my vision with reality. Restore my faith in myself and in the perfection and order of life. Replace my madness with a sacred sense of dynamism. Shower me with a sense of nonjudgmental self acceptance. Free me from the world of illusion so that my thoughts can be solid and free.

Return my mind to sanity, my heart to love, and my vision to inspiration. I give up my need to cover up and deny this reality. I face this depression and surrender it to the light. I know that it is possible for me to be grounded in perfect joy. I can imagine a new life. In my imagination I rise into a new reality with a powerful sense of freedom. I breathe life. My vision is sourced in a vast wisdom, and doors that have been closed swing open to the floodgates of my soul. This moment offers a new sense of release that is returning me to me. No longer does despair tear my inner world into shreds. The restoration of my good is becoming the overriding perception of my inner world. I am released. I move from powerlessness into an ever-widening awareness of the power living in me. The rumblings of my spirit become the music of my soul. My life sings love songs. I am blessed in the presence, nurtured in pure vision, and nourished in the light. The pain that has bound me no longer rules my life. As I emerge into this new state of vibrant aliveness, I give thanks that unconditional love has once more saved me from the bondage of my past beliefs. I walk freely now, empowered by love and guided by wisdom.

If all this came to pass - wouldn't it be lovely?

Depression may seem like the end of the world, but for me, it was only the beginning. If you want your life to be easier, remember the eight word miracle mantra, "Everything can be easy or at least easier."