A Note From Anne

Dear ,

It’s summer in Texas and my husband, Jim, and I took a day off to go to Galveston this week. We sat at the water’s edge for hours and felt salt air take us into another world.

Saturday we attended a Texas Senate redistricting hearing. I guess you could say we went from the sublime to the slime! Actually, we heard some very spirited and well-meaning people testify.

Texas does have its gerrymandering problems, but it has its southern culture and hospitality, too, and if you want to eat out, its cities are plastered with wall-to-wall cuisine palaces.

Have a great week, and remember that everything may not be easy, but everything can be easier. Be compassionate, forgiving, non-efforting, and wise. These are your natural talents. Use them.

Anne

  Happy Father's Day

I love it when people have perfect relationships with their parents; then there’s the rest of us. My father was my hero, at least until I grew up. My parents were divorced when I was very young and I knew him from afar. He was handsome, wealthy (at least in my eyes), powerful, and charming. He had piercing blue eyes that made the ladies swoon and he loved me the best he could.

Unfortunately, he came from a crop of men who had little to do with child rearing, and since he lived in a different town, we never were really intimate. We saw each other on holidays, a weekend or two here and there. I never went on a typical family vacation, but I watched my neighborhood friends pack into their cars every year, and wished I could go on a family vacation. It was those small things I yearned for. I wanted to be like the other kids. I wanted a real family.

When I grew up and started examining my childhood, I discovered my dad wasn’t the hero I made him out to be. He was really only flesh and blood, and, at some point, the man I had made him up to be had to fall. And fall he did.

I attended the Loving Relationships training and one of the things we did was to write completion letters to our parents. So I wrote my dad a “completion” letter. I was upset that I could never talk to him about real stuff, only things that seemed far removed from life. So I put all these things we couldn’t talk about in this completion letter and mailed it.

Going back a bit, the letter process was in three steps.

1. First I wrote an uncensored letter. It listed all the things I was angry at him about and all my upset. I let it rip in that first letter. I was hard on him, cursed, and listed everything I thought he did that ever hurt me. This letter was never to be mailed, because it could do irrevocable harm to the relationship and unnecessarily harm him. After all, he did his best to do good by me, and going off on him would be not only disrespectful, but cruel.
2. The second letter was a little more toned down, but it was also never mailed.
3. The third letter was not blaming or trying to get him to change; it was just a good, deep communication taking responsibility for our relationship and saying some things I knew that I wanted him to know I knew. I mailed the third letter.

I anxiously awaited his reply. No letter, no call; so I called. He chatted a little as usual and I asked him about the letter. “Did you get my letter?” I asked. “Yep.” he replied. “What did you think?” “Some of it was true, some of it was not true; but I bet you felt a lot better after you had written it.” That was pretty much it. We didn’t talk about it any more, and he was right, I did feel much better.

We have to be realistic about our parents. I hear so many people who say they had a wonderful childhood and then sometimes they will let something slip that is so horrible, I know the fantasy of a wonderful childhood is only a fantasy. It’s ineffective to gripe about our parents, but it is imperative to lay to rest our grievances with them or we can never have a good relationship with a significant other. Why? Because we will keep trying to pay back our partners for what our parents did to us (it’s called the revenge pattern) or try to get our partners to give us the unconditional love, affection, and attention we didn’t receive from our parents. No partner can do that. Healing our wounds from childhood is up to us.

It’s Father’s Day on Sunday and I’m challenging you to look at your relationship with your father – whether he is dead or alive. Are you harboring any resentment about your relationship? Are you still expecting him to rescue you or take care of you? When we reach adulthood, our parents move out of the realm of being our protectors to being those who champion us. And if they can’t do that, we have to let them off the hook. They are not responsible for our lives anymore; we are.

If you still have some "charge" on your relationship with your dad, here are some things you can do to keep your mind from going into blame, regret, and yearning.

1. Write it out. You can start with the three letters or just write it out in a journal. Writing to your father as if you were talking to him helps you bring out all the subconscious pain. It’s like talking to a friend; the burden starts to lift.
2. If there is a lot of trauma around your relationship, you probably need a good therapist to help you process the pain and take back the responsibility you have for your own happiness.
3. Write the 70 times 7 forgiveness affirmations. Each day, for 70 days, write 70 affirmations, “I forgive you dad.” Write down anything that comes up after you write the forgiveness statement, such as, “for forgetting to pick me up at the park when I was seven.” This helps purge the forgotten upsets so the subconscious mind can set them free.

Once, during a lecture, I emphasized the importance of forgiving your parents. My friend, Ken West, met me afterward with this little ditty. Ken has passed on now, but his wacky humor and wisdom live on.

I forgive you, Mom and Dad,
For the childhood that I had.
Please don’t think that I’m ungrateful,
That I’m just post-natal hateful,
But you let me grow up all alone…
And now I’m anti-social prone!

I’m convinced nobody likes me.
Or, at least, that’s how it strikes me.
Maybe I need a brand new tactic,
More sincere, less didactic.

Should I be more intellectual?
Is my mouthwash ineffectual?
Am I too tall, too short, too thin?
I’ll gladly change the shape I’m in.

Can somebody out there give me a clue?
Just what do you think I ought to do?
Mom and Dad, I know you tried,
But then you just up and died.
That’s okay. I forgive you!
  – Ken West, 1991

, I hope you have a good Father’s Day on June 16th and that you are able to celebrate the good things about your dad. If you are a father, take some time off to relax and refresh. It’s your day, so receive. Holidays are opportunities to make life stand on its toes, to call life into full salute. Come on, it’s fun. Join in. Make it a great day.

  Health Tip: Emotions

Our health starts with our emotions. Harboring unresolved feelings burns out our adrenals and weakens our immune systems. One way we can resolve our issues is to recognize, acknowledge, feel, deal with, and heal our feelings. We go through a process of experiencing our upset, telling the story around our upset, and then taking the charge or emotional heat from our feelings. It then seems that our upset dissipates and we are often surprised at how quickly we can move on.

There’s nothing wrong with this model, but sometimes it takes a lot of time and energy. It seems to work better when working with a therapist or when talking with a friend who is a good listener. It requires that the listener not try to fix you or come up with solutions, because solutions usually come naturally as the feelings abate and the mind clears. Working with solutions at the beginning of the process takes you out of the feeling and into the head. When we stay in our heads, very little emotional healing occurs. I find that I can often, but not always, by-pass this process with the following technique. It can be purging and illuminating at the same time.

1. Be very aware of the body. Experience the sensations of the feelings and how they affect the body. This might be a tight chest, slower breathing. Zoom in to these places with full attention.
2. Do not label the sensation as a feeling – just think of it as a sensation and physically feel it. Do not emotionally feel it.
3. Don’t try to fix the sensation or get away from it. Just stay present and be curious about how it feels in the body.
4. Stay with this. It may take several minutes, but you will find the upset slowly dissolving.

This is a body and awareness technique and it seems as effective as, and easier than, talking things out or trying to figure them out. It is especially useful if you don’t have someone around to talk to about your raging emotions.

Learning how to deal with our emotions is a necessary part of taking care of the mind and the body. If we don’t deal with our emotions, they will show up in very unusual and sometimes physically destructive ways. So if you want to keep fit and healthy, you have to go to the emotional gym and work out, and when you do, you will find that your life can be easier and easier.

  Anne's Books

Standing in The Dark	EZosophy Book	Offbeat Prayers
Click here to see all three of Anne's books See Also Anne's Free Book Give Away on the right.

  Quotes

"The tongue, like a sharp knife, kills without drawing blood."
  – Buddha

"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong."
  – Ghandi

"The greatness of a nation can be judged by the way they treat their animals."
  – Ghandi

"If your happiness depends on what someone else does, then I guess you have a problem."
  – Richard Bach

  Video Bits of Wisdom

A while back I recorded a series of 21 short inspirational videos on a wide range of topics. Most of them are under 2 minutes. I'll be spotlighting a different Video Bit each week in this space, with a link to it below this message. When you go to that page, you'll need to click the Play button to see and start the video.

This Week: "Today Is No Day"
Click Here for This Week's Video Bit

Click the graphic above to see all of the Video Bits.

  What is EZosophy?

What is EZosophy? Click the graphic above to find out.

NOTE: If you are viewing this on a cell phone, be sure to scroll to the right to see the other column.

Click the Subscribe button above to get your own copy of Anne's newsletter sent to your email inbox every Tuesday morning. You'll receive a free MP3 on the principles of EZosophy when you confirm your subscription. If you no longer wish to receive this newsletter, you can UNsubscribe by clicking this link. Click the Archives button above to read past issues of this newsletter.            FOLLOW Anne. Help Spread the Word. SHARE Anne by sharing this issue.      Like the newsletter? You can support it through your donation via PayPal. It's certainly not necessary, but it is greatly appreciated. It's not tax deductible, but a small $8 donation helps defray our costs. Thank you in advance.   Anne's Services Need a Coach or a Rent-a-Friend? Interested in getting ongoing support? Try life coaching with Anne. Anne offers options for both short-term and long-term coaching. Contact her for details. Click here to contact Anne by email or Click here to view information on Anne's One Year Seminar.   Schedule Anne You may reach Anne by phone at 281-419-1775 or click the button below to contact Anne by email. Anne is also available to officiate at weddings and funerals.

  Anne's Schedule

September 11 & 13, 2013
Wed. & Fri., 10:00–11:50 AM CDT
“EZosophy”
Lone Star College
Montgomery Campus
Conroe, TX 77384
936-273-7000
Offered as an ALL Class

October 1, 8, & 15, 2013
Tuesdays, 1:00–2:50 PM CDT
“Alive, Awake, Aware”
Lone Star College
Montgomery Campus
3200 College Park Drive
Conroe, TX 77384
936-273-7000
Offered as an ALL Class

Recorded Interviews:

Click here to hear a recording of Keith Anthony Blanchard interviewing Anne Sermons Gillis on June 3, 2013.

Click here to hear a recording of Dennis Tardan interviewing Anne Sermons Gillis on May 30, 2013.

  Ask Annie G

Dear Annie G,

Are energy bars really healthy for us?

SB, Memphis, TN

Dear SB,

Most energy bars are probably not healthy for us because they are processed. Take a look at the ingredients. I prefer to buy raw organic food bars if I’m purchasing a food bar.

If you make them yourself, you can save money and ensure a higher quality. The good bars are pricey, costing from three to six dollars per bar.

The following recipe is easy to make, tastes yummy, and is fresher and healthier than most of the packaged ones you buy. If you don’t have pumpkin, use baked sweet potatoes.

Click here to Enjoy Pumpkin No Bake Energy Bits.

Thanks for asking,

Annie G

NOTE: Send your questions on life, health, food, spirituality, and relationships to Annie G.

  Anne Art

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  Free Book Give Away

Anne is giving away her book, EZosophy: the Art and Wisdom of Easy or at Least Easier Living, for Five Days, from Tuesday, June 11 through Saturday, June 15, 2013, on Kindle, but you can view it on your computer or tablet if you don't have a Kindle device. See the information below for getting a Kindle reader for your PC or Mac.

EZosophy Book

Anne Sermons Gillis spent a lifetime mining the secrets of wisdom and EZ (ease), and now you can save time and energy, revitalize your life, and make any situation or relationship EZier. The principles of EZ are contained in this simple but profound philosophy called EZosophy. You will find yourself referring to this book when difficulties arise because it provides a direct path out of emotional pain and suffering.

Most people make two mistakes when they are overwhelmed, but these are the biggest mistakes they could make.

1. They try to control more when they feel out of control. Controlling makes things worse because it adds to the sense of overwhelm. It’s hard to control. EZosophy teaches you how to let go.
2. Most people try to work harder to get more done, but the internal mechanism that controls suffering never lets them off the hook. Regardless of how much they do, it will never be enough. EZosophy teaches you how to diffuse that internal sledge hammer and turn off the need to be accomplishing something 24 hours a day.

Do not suffer another minute. Download this life-saving book now, for free, today and for the next four days. It is available on Kindle. Click here for the Kindle version. If you do not have a Kindle application, you may download one here for your PC, iPhone, Android, or iPad.

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Editor/Publisher: Charles David Heineke of TheDoorwayBlog and TheDoorway.

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