“Everything can be EZ or at least EZier.” -- Anne Sermons Gillis

  A Note From Anne

Dear ,

  The Doctrine of No

In 1989 I started talking about EZosophy. The philosophy started out with seven simple vows. The second vow is not mysterious; you've thought and heard it before; it's uncomplicated yet powerful. What is it? "I will say no." This vow is about dealing with interpersonal relationships, not about saying no to a task that you are assigned at work. It's about saying no to street people without feeling guilt, no to phone marketers, and no when you don't have the time, energy, or resources to do a task.

Saying "no" eliminates the tendency toward martyrdom. Do you say "yes" when you really want to say "no," and then hold anger and resentment inside? This anger boils until one day you blow up at someone who hasn't done anything except ask you to do something. You keep giving and doing until you get fed up and explode. You feel justified in having the explosion because you have done so much that anyone can see that you are used up. They should not even have asked. Don't they know I don't have time to do that. How dare them. What a story you tell yourself.

If you had just said no the first time and second time and all the times that you didn't want to do the thing you said yes to, then you wouldn't need to explode. When the tendency to hold anger until you explode becomes a way of life, you completely lose your peace of mind and finally your health.

The funny thing about saying no is that you really don't have the liberty to say a clean, unfettered yes until you can say no.

There is a little trick – just want you to know that if you are an introvert, you may say no too quickly. If an introvert is not given time to process a request, and has to give an on-the-spot decision, they will probably say no 90% of the time, even when they really want to say yes. It's perfectly fine, when someone asks you to do something, for you to say you will think about. Tell the person when you will get back to him or her with your decision, and then keep your word and get back with them by the agreed upon time.

Often we fail to say no because we want people to like us, but trying to please others at the expense of ourselves puts us on the fast track to an emotional hell. As I was writing this someone called and asked me to do a little task. I am tying up loose ends before I go on my trip and even though it was a simple request, I don't need anything else added to my list today. It's been a long weekend, I've been in meetings all weekend, and my next two days are full as well. I sent her another person's email address, a person who could do the job better than I, and now I'm off the hook. It feels so good to say no.

Here are some things to not do when saying no:

• Don't lie about why you can't do it. Tell the truth.
• Don't justify. You do not have to defend or justify your reason for saying no.
• Don't be irritated with the person who asked. Be pleasant. Say no to the request and yes to the person. That means treat them with respect while saying no.
• Don't say yes and then not do the task. If you find you can't do the task, call the person and say, "I'm sorry. I said I was going to do (name of task), but I now see I will be unable to do it." Don't do this at the last minute. Give them time to find someone else to do the task.

Saying no is something all adults have to learn. It is a life skill. Examine your ability to say no when you need or want to. If you fall short, know you have some work to do. One of my favorite books on the topic is When I Say No, I Feel Guilty by Manuel J. Smith. When you gain the ability to say no, you make your life easier and easier. I promise!

Take it easy.

Anne

  Health Tip: Leftover Soup

• Two pieces of broccoli
• One piece of cauliflower
• 20 short sticks of celery
• A lot of tiny carrots

  Anne's Books

Standing in The Dark

EZosophy Book

Offbeat Prayers

Click here to see all three of Anne's books

What people are saying about Standing in the Dark:

"Standing in the Dark, by Anne Sermons Gillis, isn't just another positive thinking book. It's a book about the difficult times in life and what we can do to make it through them. It does, however, give us positive ways to make life easier. It's a short book, but it's one that may just turn your thinking on its head, which will probably be the best thing that's happened to your thinking in a long time. It's about how to bring more ease into a life that isn't easy all of the time. Anne discusses six main areas of life: Ease, Mission, Health, Relationships, Money, and Loss."
  – Charles David Heineke, Bonham, TX

What people are saying about EZosophy: The Art and Wisdom of Easy or at Least Easier Living:

"Although most conscious people understand that life doesn't have to a struggle, the "how to" has been missing... until now. Anne's book makes it "easy."
  – T. Harv Eker - Bestselling author and Founder of Peak Potentials Training

What people are saying about Offbeat Prayers for the Modern Mystic:

"I love your book. It is filled with much wisdom, humor and heart. Really beautiful."
  – Alan Cohen author, Enough Already, mentions Anne and EZosophy on page 99

  Quotes

"The present is a powerful being.”
  – Goethe

"The most precious gift we can offer anyone is our presence. When mindfulness embraces those we love, they bloom like flowers.”
  – Thích Nhất Hạnh

The brain is to the mind as the television is to its programming."
  – Tim Boyd

  Teleseminar MP3 Downloads

I've done a series of nine teleseminars which are all available as mp3 downloads. The topics include:

• The EZ Secret: Living in Ease
• The EZ Secret: Easy Relationships
• The EZ Secret: Easy Money
• The EZ Secret: Easy Body
• Joy Mastery
• Do What You Love
• Radical Presence
• Alive, Awake, Aware
• More Living in Ease

They're $2.99 each, or you can buy any 3 for $4.99 or all 9 for $14.99.

Click here for more information and to purchase.

  What is EZosophy?

What is EZosophy? Click the graphic above to find out.

NOTE: If you are viewing this on a cell phone, be sure to scroll to the right to see the other column.

  Anne's Services

  Schedule Anne

You may reach Anne by phone at 281-419-1775 or click the button below to contact Anne by email. Anne is also available to officiate at weddings and funerals.

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  Anne's Schedule

October 13, 2013
Sun., 11:00 AM
"Discovery"
Unity Church of Practical Christianity
15920 Piper’s View Dr.
Meadow Community Association
Webster, TX 77598-2550

  Anne Talks

"Jesus Christ in Us”

"Jesus Christ in Us” delivered at Unity Church of Practical Christianity in Webster, TX, on 12/16/2012.

Happy Lighten Up Day

Here's a 2 ¾ minute video to help you lighten up your day. We've been too serious. You'll even hear Anne singing!

  Ask Annie G

Joe

Dear Joe,

It is not unusual to forget names some of the time. Unfortunately, as we age, we tend to forget more and it can be scary. I wish I could give you great advice on this, but I have the same problem. The memory issue concerns me too. I took a memory test a few years ago while taking a class to help my memory and I had one of the lowest scores in the class. It's especially difficult when I meet several people within a short period.

We often don't remember a new person's name simply because we weren't consciously listening for the name when they said their name. We can't easily remember something we didn't notice in the first place. We may have heard the words go by, but we didn't consciously make a mental note of them. So we didn't get the name in the first place. To avoid that, deliberately prepare yourself to listen for a name when you know a person is about to give you their name. Also, repeat it back to them right after they say it, in your response to them. Or make a comment about the name, if appropriate. You can also use their name once or twice during the conversation, to help impress it on your mind. Saying it to yourself a few times and writing it down are other good ways to impress their name on your mind. Repeating new information makes it easier to remember later.

You can also try the standard memory aids, like putting an object in your mind when you think of the person – if the person's name is Belle, see her wearing a bell as a hat. As for regular memory helpers, take a picture in your mind of where you park your car or place an item. Keep your belongings in the same place. Do what you can to improve your memory through diet – cook with coconut oil, take herbs, and exercise.  Be compassionate with yourself and don't berate or judge yourself because you forget names or even other things. The serenity prayer suggests we accept the things we cannot change and change the things we can. If we follow that advice, our lives will be easier and easier.

Thanks for asking.

Annie G

NOTE: Send your questions on life, health, food, spirituality, and relationships to Annie G.

  Anne Art

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Editor/Publisher: Charles David Heineke of TheDoorwayBlog.

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