Anne's Note reminds us how to be present with people in a time of loss. The main article, Help. I Need Somebody., reminds us that when we need to ask for help, we'll get it. Healthy Living reminds us that Laughter is Medicine. The Anne Talk is Anne's talk on EZosophy. The Featured Product this month is The I AM Affirmations CD.

The EZ Mantra: "Everything can be EZ or at least EZier." – Anne Sermons Gillis

  A Note From Anne

Dear ,

Friday night we attended the life celebration of a 14 year-old young man. This was not a standard funeral. It was a celebration. We sweltered in the Texas heat; it was hard to distinguish the sweat from the tears. Chairs sat in rows in the paintball park creating a makeshift cathedral. This land was a sacred space for the avid paint ball enthusiast. Boy Scouts, paint ball players, friends, and family gave testimony to the greatness of such a short life. My husband drove the young man to his cancer treatments and helped the family pack and load the moving truck when they moved out of state. They left with high hopes that their son was healed, only to later find out he had relapsed. My friend called on the day of the service. She was in New York visiting a friend who has just been diagnosed with terminal cancer.

Everywhere we turn life is winding down. Animals, friends, and family members make their transitions. It’s startling and life changing for those whose lives were intertwined with the lost one, but one thing that stands out in these tragedies is the outpouring of love from the friends and families of the loved ones.

Take that moment to support your friends and loved ones who have suffered a loss. It may be awkward or hard to know what to say, but just being present is enough. Don’t try to stop the grief by saying how the deceased is with their family members in heaven, or with Jesus, or that it’s good they are no longer in pain. Your job is not to make people feel better. Your job is to have the courage to show up when others are in pain and to allow their process to happen without your interference. It is enough to say, “I’m so sorry for your loss,” “I’m here,” or “I love you.” Letting people know that they can lean on you and that you won’t be preaching to them about the positives of your loss, is a perfect gift. They may or may not call on you, but just knowing you are there, helps them shoulder the burden.

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Photo credit: http://www.byemilyb.com

Anne

  Help. I Need Somebody.

I’m up to my eyeballs in boxes and plans to move. I have more plans than my body can handle. Tasks ruminate in my mind, and by bedtime they are illusions of commitments. I trust that there is an order, and that if I keep doing what I can do, the universe will meet me in the middle and what needs to get done, will get done, when and as it needs to happen.

When I was newly married and in my early 20’s, I tried to become the perfect homemaker. My culture trained me in housewife-ing, homemaking, and housekeeping. In the south that meant putting up home grown vegetables so that we could get through the winter with our stored food. For my grandmother, it had been canned foods, but my generation had deep freezers. My mom never canned or froze food; our lima beans were in a rectangular cardboard box. I wanted to be a real homemaker, unlike my divorced mother. I was adamant in my perfection; I would not cook from boxes and cans. I thought if I did everything in the good housewife manual, I would be assured a star position in the annals of homemaking.

I found a farmer, Mr. Evans, and would go to his farm and pick vegetables, then come home, prepare, blanch, and freeze them. I was overzealous, and one day I picked enough beans to supply my family of two, my husband and myself, for years. I brought my harvest home and hauled it into the kitchen. It had already been a long day, driving to the farm, picking, and returning home. I was overwhelmed as I sat in the bean heap. Miraculously, a neighbor happened by. She came into my kitchen and saw a helpless 22 year-old surrounded by beans. She looked at my panicked face and took over. She created an assembly line, and in a couple of hours, I had an enormous stash beans nestled in my deep freezer.

I was astounded at the experience. Just when I needed help, it showed up. What seemed impossible, suddenly became easier and fun. We had terrific fun bonding, talking, and playing. No more burden; the task at hand became a pleasure. That kind of unexpected help shows up for all of us just when we need it, not just once, but over and over again. I’ve come to count on it as a part of EZosophy. “When we need help, it will show up.”

The bean experience taught me to trust the universe for support, yet it’s not the only story when it comes to receiving help. Sometimes we have to ask for help. It can be difficult to ask for help, but it is a part of life’s lessons. I had a friend who was late for work. I asked him why and he said he was taking a car someplace. “How that could take five hours?” He told me, as he wiped sweat off his brow, that he had two cars. He would drive one about a half a mile, park it, walk back ½ mile, get in the other car, and drive it ½ mile to the other car. Then he drove that car ½ mile and repeated the process. He actually walked the entire 5 miles while moving each car along ½ mile at a time. I couldn’t believe he didn’t ask someone for help.

We don’t want to bother people, or we don’t want to owe others, but those choices are based on low self-esteem. We are meant to be in this together, not separate. Sometimes the only way to lighten the load is to ask for help. Asking for help is a kind of surrender; it allows us to be vulnerable. When we ask for help, we must be grateful when we receive help and respectful when others tell us no. This we can trust, if we truly need help, and we are open to receiving, help will come in some form.

Learning to ask for and receive help teaches humility and surrender and allows us to let go of control. Then again, receiving or asking for help, can be inappropriate. If our standard position is acting helpless and repeatedly needing others to pull us out of the hole, we need to learn to help ourselves. Our friends will burn out if called upon constantly to help us out, and when our friends constantly pull us from the water, we forget how to swim and become dependent on others. Sometimes we need to take charge of our lives and help ourselves by taking responsibility and action.

Help comes in many forms. Here are three ideas to consider about help:

• Universal Help – The Universe provides. Give up controlling every minute detail of life, allow the universe to support us, and believe and trust that it can.
• Help From Others – Become vulnerable and ask for help.
• Self Help – Own our power, take responsibility, help ourselves, and quit trying to get others to take care of us. We have to meet our unmet baby needs ourselves and learn to be an adult, take care of ourselves, and meet life’s challenges.

When we develop an insightful relationship with the process of help, we bring balance into our lives and, best of all, our lives become EZier and EZier. Help is always here; sometimes we must reach out and other times we must reach in, but we are never left without getting what we really need.

(Do not write me about people who starve to death or die because they don’t get medical help. Do not argue they did not get what they needed. This information is for you. You will get what you need. Leave it at that and don’t try to figure out the dilemmas of existence. This will simplify your life and make things inestimably EZier.)

Anne

Featured Product This Month

  What is EZosophy?

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  Healthy Living

Laughter is Medicine

We can all use a little humor. Life and learning can be easy and fun. Therefore, the pity party is cancelled. News release below.

Pity Party Cancelled

The 12th annual pity party has been cancelled due to internal committee conflicts. This is our second notice to alert you of the changes. You are advised to suck it up until next year and enjoy your life. All pitying is suspended until arrangements are made for the proper venue and timing. Timing is everything and your time will come. We will inform you when it is your time. You are further instructed to cease all griping, worry and judgments. No bitchcraft is allowed on the premises.

Just a moment. We are receiving a transmission from headquarters. I can’t believe it! What a transmission. “In lieu of this year’s pity party, your ship has been approved and NOW is your time. So look in the harbor because your ship has come in. Until further notice, celebrate everything.”

Anne

  Anne Talks

This week's Anne Talk is EZosophy. In case you missed it last week, it’s back for your enjoyment. It's Anne's talk about EZosophy that she gave at the Unity Church of North Houston, Texas on May 5, 2015. Time: 28:30

  Anne Art

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  Quotes

"The more elaborate our means of communication, the less we communicate."
— Tweeted on Just Sit There

"If you follow your bliss, you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there the whole while, waiting for you."
— Joseph Campbell

"Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always."
— Unknown