Anne's Note suggests ways to Seeing Life Through the Lens of Kindness. In the Main article, Feeling Sorry for Myself, Anne shows the dysfunction of feeling sorry for ourselves. The Healthy Living article, Hiccupping, presents some tips for silencing that pesky malady. The Anne Talk, The Voice In Our Head, gives tips for handling our mental criticism of others. The Featured Product this month is Anne's latest book, EZosophy: The Art and Wisdom of Easy or At Least Easier Living.

The EZ Mantra: "Everything can be EZ or at least EZier." – Anne Sermons Gillis

Living EZosophy, May 31, 2016
Published Weekly on Tuesday Mornings

Phone: 281-419-1775
Email: anne@annegillis.com

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  A Note From Anne

Dear ,

We are singing the 10th course of the selling our house song and we are running out of verses. We started this movement to move to the Asheville a year ago and we are still living in the Woodlands. It is weird not to be able to make long term plans, but that's what's up. So far, there's been no sale.

Since I wrote the main article yesterday, my neighborhood flooded. Our house remains dry, but others were not so lucky. Everyone has been outside watching the water rise and then watching it fall. We have no power and expect it be turned back on by Tuesday. It's been an intense day with people being rescued, police coming by, firetrucks doing something – I haven't figured that out, helicopters flying overhead, and multiple activities.

My neighbor was complaining about a person who drove by to look at the water. She was angry, and I said that it didn't bother me because people are naturally curious. The woman in the car rode back past us, stopped, and asked if there was anything she could do to help us. She conveyed her sympathy for those on our block. I thought my neighbor would eat crow, given the kindness of the woman, but she said to me, "You were much kinder than I would have been."

The first thought I had was that "Kindness is free. It doesn't cost anything. Why Not?" My neighbor's view of the woman was that she was gaping at a tragedy and feeding on the drama. What I saw was a concerned woman who lived only a few blocks away. I saw a curious person who had compassion. It doesn't matter which one was right. What we see when we view others is a reflection of the lens we look through. It's fine that my neighbor was irritated; she's actually a nice person, but I am sure that today my life was EZier than hers and that adopting kindness is always a good policy.

Anne

  Feeling Sorry for Myself

Talking about the weather can get tiresome, but forgive me. We are experiencing a second day of torrential downpours. As you may remember, the Houston area had devastating floods recently and then a few days later we had more heavy down pours. When you read this, hopefully the rains will have passed and the sun will shine. But today, which is Friday, as I look at the downpours, I admit, I feel uneasy. We have flash flood warnings, river flood warnings, and flood warnings – a trifecta. I have neighbors within walking distance whose homes will never be rebuilt due to the recent flooding. Riding by and seeing the remains of people's lives stacked by the side of the road is disconcerting if not heart-breaking.

The world speeds by with both its tragedies and celebrations. It would be nice if we could hold onto the good events and not let them go, but, in order to live fully, we must face all of what life brings. Anything less than this results in a kick in the rear. Our avoidance or hanging on provides the Universe with a bull's eye target for teaching. And when we miss the writing on the wall, the universe sky writes.

Fortunately, as we mature, life provides us with a relentless drive inward, and it is in this inner space that we are sustained through both the good and bad. The external world is not wrapped in one neat package, but the inner world provides us with the peace that makes every event in life either easy or easier.

When we lose our health, our livelihood, or have a death in the family, it is essential that we not feel sorry for ourselves. Grieving and feeling sorry for oneself are very different reactions to loss. When we grieve a loss, we can eventually let go. People want to support us when we authentically grieve, but feeling sorry for ourselves is like wearing friend repellant. It pushes those whose compassion we really want, away. Feeling sorry for ourselves carries a sucking energy that drains others. We have all felt sucked dry by others. We can use that memory to remind us how it feels to want to run from someone!

Feeling sorry for others is the other side of the coin of feeling sorry for ourselves. The third EZosophy Vow is "I will not feel sorry for others." It reminds us of the difference between compassion and putting people down. When we feel sorry for others, we define them by their problems, not their true selves. When someone is hurting, they don't need rescuing; they need company. They don't need answers; they need to know they are not alone. Feeling sorry for others sets us up to feel the strain of trying to pull someone from a hole, when what people really need is someone who realizes that they, themselves, can climb out of their hole. No one needs another person to take up the walk of life for them. Of course, this is figurative. If you find someone in a real hole, help them out!

Here are some of the symptoms of feeling sorry for ourselves.

• Asking or maybe whining, "Why does this always happen to me?"
• Repeatedly repeating or perhaps whining, "No one understands." It can become a life mantra.
• Thinking that if someone else would change, we could be happy.
• Thinking, "No one appreciates me." Or "You don't appreciate me."
• Thinking, "No one respects me." Or "You don't appreciate me."
• Distorting others' facial expressions into malevolence when others are innocently sharing.
• Expecting malicious intent from others.
• Working angles in our behavior to ensure others don't make a fool of us.
• Using emotional blackmail, for example, by giving others the silent treatment.

When we consistently feel sorry for ourselves, we frequently assume the victim role. When we operate from a victim mentality, we brood. We develop a sense of entitlement or angry righteousness. Eventually, if we continue the victim role, we end up wanting revenge on others, and the sweetness of life eludes us.

There are many levels of feeling sorry for ourselves. Some are less harmful than others, but feeling sorry for ourselves is like planting a seed in a waterless desert and sticking around for the seed to sprout, grow, and bear fruit. The seed may sprout, but without water it will wither and the fruit will never appear, but we hang around anyway, just in case.

It may be EZier than we suspect to move from the role of victim or to stop feeling sorry for ourselves. Using the above list to recognize that we are suffering from victim sickness can go a long way in making the switch from one role to the other. Changing the tone of our voice when we share with others, holding our bodies upright, and not using the above phrases help pull us from defeat to power. There is a power in directly facing loss and realizing that we have power in most situations.

If you find yourself unable to extricate yourself from the victim role, you are probably dealing with more difficult issues. Staying stuck in the victim role can be a sign of repressed anger that you can't deal with alone. You might want to seek professional help, or at least support, to learn how to successfully deal with suppressed anger or rage. Having a life coach or therapist can be invaluable, but they may not be affordable for everyone. 12 step programs such as CoDA and ACOA offer support in dealing with deeper emotionally repressed issues and are offered without charge.

This discourse does not negate that we have real victims. People who are robbed, murdered, and raped are victims. This article is about a victim mentality that arises as a result of our behavior and internal messages; it is not about the external events of life itself. It is about how we psychologically deal with tragedy and loss.

On a light note, when you find yourself feeling sorry for yourself, remember, the pity party has been cancelled. In lieu of this year's pity party, your ship has been approved and NOW is your time. Look in the harbor because your ship has come in. Until further notice, celebrate everything.

Anne

  Quotes

"The mind complicates; the heart simplifies. The mind resists; the heart surrenders. The mind educates; the heart illuminates. The mind analyzes; the heart recognizes."
— Anne Sermons Gillis

"Having a difference of opinion is not an emergency or an excuse to be judgmental, cruel, harsh, or insensitive."
— Anne Sermons Gillis

"Thought by thought, words weave their way into stories and take our emotions with them."
— Anne Sermons Gillis

  Featured Product This Month

  What is EZosophy?

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  Healthy Living

Hiccupping

Has it ever happened to you? You lose control. People stare. It has happened to you because everyone's hiccupped. It can happen to anyone at any time. Sometimes it's hilarious to hiccup and at other times it can be embarrassing.

In medical terms it is when a muscle spasm contracts the diaphragm. The spasm causes an in breath and the vocal cords stop the intake; then we hiccup. We've all seen the stereotypical drunk on television, hiccupping away. Alcohol, eating too much at one sitting, stress, and swallowing too much air are some of the causes of hiccupping. Source

My grandmother had a great cure. Grab a spoon full of honey, swallow it, and the hiccups will disappear. That does work, but I don't carry around a jar of honey.

Some people say taking a spoon full of sugar will do the trick, while others advocate a spoon full of vinegar.

Others swear by a spoon full of peanut butter. You can always try hot sauce. This shocks the body so much it forgets about the hiccups.

My friend sent this tip. "Stick your fingers in your ears and hold them and the hiccups will instantly disappear." Unlike some remedies, my hands are always handy, so next time I feel that irregular ritual coming on, I'll lift my hands and stick my fingers in my ears and feel the magic, and if that doesn't work, I'll just be the happy hiccupper or I'll call Mary Poppins and see if her spoon fill will do the trick.

P.S.: According to the source above, "Hiccups affect males more often than females." So females, you can breathe a sigh of relief. Sorry, men.

  Anne Talks

Today's Anne Talk is The Voice In Our Head. It gives tips for handling our mental criticism of others. Time: 0:43.

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